Stage fright's a bastard

Stage fright really is a sneaky little bastard.

In a couple of days, my band Beyond Violet is supposed to go on stage for the first time. There's just on little problem: my vocal chords decided they weren't up for it and quit working.

I've had almost no voice for over a week now, and it's starting to get on my nerves pretty bad.
It seems stress can impact your body in many ways, and in my case, this time it felt like messing things up for me.

Having no voice sucks for a couple of reasons.
1. I can't sing. It isn't until you can't sing that you realize how much you do sing all day long.
2. I can't talk. I'm a journalist for cryin' out loud.
3. Freaking out over not being able to sing with an important gig coming up, makes my throat tense up even more. Which can't be good...
4. People can't seem to leave me alone. I tell them I can't talk, but almost every single person that calls is like "Oh right, well could you just tell me about this one thing blablabla"

Which is why stage fright is such a sneaky bastard. It's the deadliest link in this vicious cycle I'm trapped in. Being nervous is bad for the voice, it can make you loose your voice, and when you've gone hoarse, you get even more nervous, which doesn't help getting better.

The advice I get from fellow musicians is to not sing, talk or even whisper, eat loads of honey, drink tea and most of all to chill out. It just so happens that I can do all of the above, but the chilling out part... well, let's just say this is a real test of character for me.

Picture: Beyond Violet by Fabio Valiante

The Art of doing absolutely Nothing

As a teenager, I had perfected it to a form of art: doing absolutely nothing but watching tv or reading a book for hours and hours and hours on end.

The last couple of years, however, my hours of just 'being there' and nothing else, have drastically diminished. Jobs, a house that needs cleaning, groceries that need to be bought and things like that obviously need to be done when living in 'grown up land' are partially to blame. But there's more.

Friendships, for instance, were a lot easier to maintain when I was still in school. There's no better way to see your friends every day when they're taking the same classes at the same school or university.

Nowadays, trying to get together with a friend involves a lot of emails, texts or phonecalls before a date, time and place can be determined. Those who become parents almost always slowly fade, until only heard from by means of christmas cards.

When in a relationship, like me, there's one more complication to your social life. Having a significant other also means that you get an extra family. For free!

You'll have to pay dearly for it, though. Not in euro's or dollars, but in time. Because all of a sudden, there's more birthdays, wedding aniversaries and other family events to attend. On average, about twice as many, I reckon.

And ofcourse, being an adult simply cannot mean becoming a drag. At least, not in my book. So I go to concerts and parties, making a huge fuss about the right dress, hair and make up. Invite friends over for home made dinners. Demand romantic evenings with my boyfriend. And let's not forget, every thursday evening I live my rockstar dream, rehearsing with my band.

You can imagine that sometimes I long for the days when I could lie on my parent's couch, watching Oprah or some cartoon, perfectly happy doing absolutely nothing useful.

I guess the thing is, that I could always rest easy, knowing that my future would be filled with a great job, great friends, great parties and great music. The problem is that the future my 16 year old self saw is now my present. The future is hard work!