Sometimes I truly wonder if I really do qualify as a woman. The habits of my fellow women often make my skin crawl with horror and amazement.
I went to the gym last night. Hadn't been for a week and a half, on account of my parents moving. Hauling big cupboards and about a million boxes counts as exercise in my book.
So I honestly had to drag my but to the gym. After about an hour of cardio, I actually felt quite good about myself.
Standing under the shower, I heard that a lot of women were coming into the locker room. It sounded like they were just pleasantly chatting.
Boy, was I wrong. Coming out of the shower, trying to dry my feet whilst skipping over to my bag, I suddenly got overwhelmed by the sound of at least ten grown women talking loudly about their mothers in law, stomach cramps, kids, itching big toes, husbands and other topics. All of this intertwined with the latest gossip.
I felt like a big, fat juicy caterpillar with a headache, trying to get out of the henhouse unnoticed as soon as possible.
No such luck. Mistakingly taking me to be one of them, the women tried to engage me in their clucking. 'What did you do? Did ya take a body combat class? Or did ya just finish the spinning class? Oh, you don't like spinning? You really should try! It's so great for your thighs. I used to be a big girl but...'
Smiling as sweetly as I possibly could, I got dressed as fast as I could. My head was throbbing because of all the high, loud shrieking voices in the small room. 'Well, have a nice evening. Bye now', I mumbled, slowly backing away. 'Bye!' the women exclaimed in one single, terrifying voice.
Call me Bob from now on...
I went to the gym last night. Hadn't been for a week and a half, on account of my parents moving. Hauling big cupboards and about a million boxes counts as exercise in my book.
So I honestly had to drag my but to the gym. After about an hour of cardio, I actually felt quite good about myself.
Standing under the shower, I heard that a lot of women were coming into the locker room. It sounded like they were just pleasantly chatting.
Boy, was I wrong. Coming out of the shower, trying to dry my feet whilst skipping over to my bag, I suddenly got overwhelmed by the sound of at least ten grown women talking loudly about their mothers in law, stomach cramps, kids, itching big toes, husbands and other topics. All of this intertwined with the latest gossip.
I felt like a big, fat juicy caterpillar with a headache, trying to get out of the henhouse unnoticed as soon as possible.
No such luck. Mistakingly taking me to be one of them, the women tried to engage me in their clucking. 'What did you do? Did ya take a body combat class? Or did ya just finish the spinning class? Oh, you don't like spinning? You really should try! It's so great for your thighs. I used to be a big girl but...'
Smiling as sweetly as I possibly could, I got dressed as fast as I could. My head was throbbing because of all the high, loud shrieking voices in the small room. 'Well, have a nice evening. Bye now', I mumbled, slowly backing away. 'Bye!' the women exclaimed in one single, terrifying voice.
Call me Bob from now on...
Image (c) Dreamworks
